Anti- Foodies

I’m envious of people who have the ability to not eat–you know, those girls who break up with their mates and emerge anew 15 pounds lighter; or the ones who simply vow to cut out drinking, gluten, or some other random food group and look fabulous in 30 days or less. When you see them, you're like “Omg, you look great!” They put on a sad face with an underlying smirk and say things like “You know, after the break up with so-and-so I was in such a horrible place. I couldn’t eat for weeks. Then I decided to take up yoga to clear my mind, and here I am!”I hate those people. Yes, envy has just turned to hate. Why? Because how come when I break up with people, it involves french fries and orange flavored craisins (my new favorite food)? Or, when I stop eating carbs for a month, how come it's only to find out that my increased protein has raised my cholesterol and now I’m a candidate for some heart disease? This "new-found body phenomenon" never ever happens to me because these people are aliens. I secretly think they are sitting around starving themselves to prove how lonely they are. They want us, the Normals, to believe that coming out of a break up leads to Jessica Biel arms and Beyonce abs. Well it doesn’t, so stop already with your lies. Yoga and a breakup alone can’t give you a fabulous body.


I tether on this line of envy and hate because there is much to be admired from someone who doesn’t eat. Shit, it’s hard. Have you ever purposely gone without eating? Do it. Your thoughts will be entirely consumed by food, and in 4 hours you’ll be so hungry that White Castle will even look appealing. People with the willpower not to eat are super human. They have focus, drive, and determination. Now, I wonder if they could get us out of this recession?